Learning to be a good listener does not come naturally. In fact, it’s rather difficult. It is something that can be taught and is a rare trait in today’s ‘what about me’ world. Give your children this valuable life skill that will enhance their relationships, their leadership abilities, and problem solving skills. We’ve all heard that there’s a reason God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth!
Families that do a good job homeschooling their children through high school are always attentive to covering all the academic bases. They know ahead of time what they will need to get into college even if their emerging adult is saying (now) that they don’t want to go to college, because they know that can change. They also have the foresight to insert the electives that will serve them through out any profession (like typing).
What about some of the social skills that sometimes are picked up in daily life lessons . . . but sometimes not? One of these lessons I believe is easily overlooked is the (lost) Art of Listening. ‘Looking out for #1′ as the prevailing attitude in today’s culture is not a revelation, I know, but has a strong undertow. Genuinely listening to others is a character trait that will not only please God but will most definitely set them apart in the business world. It’s a trait found in every good leader and good marriage.
I confess, I did not teach my kids to be good listeners. That’s not to say that they don’t listen well to others, but as they say. . . hindsight is best sight. There are some simple techniques that you can teach your children now while they are tied up in the chair homeschooling is ideal. They may file this information in the closet for a decade or so, but tidbits like these plant a seed that will sprout at the right time.
So……..HOW do you teach good listening? Here’s eight ground rules to start:
1. Empathize with the speaker. Somtimes people think that playing the devil’s advocate and helping whoever is talking see the other person’s perspective is helpful. Maybe in certain circumstances, but to be a good listener you want to try to completely empathize with who you are listening to and see it from their POV.
2. Listen, don’t think. The key to learning the art of listening is to do only that – listen. Most people are actively thinking about what they are going to say next, or formulating a response. Train yourself to listen and put yourself in their place.
3. Body language is key – Two simple things to remember that go a long, long way to communicating are eye contact and leaning forward just a little. Nodding in agreement and other body gestures are good, too. Learn what ‘mirroring’ is.
4. Fully understand what they are saying. At appropriate moments, ask questions to be sure you understand the situation. If they are not clear on the sequence of events, or if they are using “they” “he”, etc, make sure you know what they are describing. Attempt to re-create the experience they are relating to you in your mind.
5. Give them 100% of your attention. Never answer a cell phone during a ‘listening’. So rude. Even on the phone, you can hear if someone is doing something in the background.
6. Avoid any and all distractions. If you must attend to something like a crying child or the like, then say ‘excuse me for just a moment’ and remember where you were at in the conversation. When you return, remind them where you were in the story.
7. Be silent. This can be the hardest part. Resist the temptation to immediately relate a similar experience of your own, or tell them what YOU would’ve done in their situation. Right now, just completely understand what they are telling you.
8. Share your opinion AFTER you are asked for it. Sometimes people don’t really want an opinion, they just want to someone to listen. When asked for your opinion, check back on what they are asking an opinion on. Sometimes it’s not what you think.
There is much more to learn on the subject, but it’s not rocket science. It’s creating an awareness of a social grace that is often overlooked in today’s “What about me?” world. It’s a rare trait in the competitive business arena, but it’s also vital in talking with your teens or spouse. If we can think of being a good listener as a part of having good manners like remembering to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, the world would be a better place. It’s definitely one that I needed a refresher course on!
http://www.dumblittleman.com/2009/09/master-art-of-listening-and-watch-all.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener
Never thought about teaching this valuable skill to our kids. In fact, everyone needs to learn it! It is beneficial for any relationship.
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